Dear Friend,
Have you ever blown it with a woman because your lack of conversation skills killed any chance of attraction?
Let's talk honestly…
…have you ever experienced that moment while talking to a woman where your mind just seems to shut down… And the harder you try to think of something "cool" or "witty" to say the more you retreat into your own head… and you can see in the woman's eyes that she is starting to realize that you're not as cool as she thought you were a few minutes earlier...?
…have you ever "ejected" from a conversation while it was still going good because you didn't know how to escalate the conversation past a "friendly" level… so rather than risk rejection or embarrassment … you walked away from a woman and got nothing…?
…have you ever felt "overshadowed" by other guys who just seemed to naturally be more charismatic talkers than you… like they just seemed to effortlessly get girls in a fun and flirty mood… while your conversations seem boring or 'try hard' in comparison…?
…have you ever gotten a girl's phone number… but not called her… because you were terrified of that moment when she answers the phone… the struggle to think of 'what to say next'… the dreaded "awkward silences" … so instead you would literally hold the phone in your hand for hours before finding a good rationalization not to call…?
…have you ever had a friend introduce you into a conversation with girls… and after the initial hellos and handshakes… you just seemed to have nothing interesting to contribute. Even though everyone else was jumping in with topics that were fun and amusing… by the time you thought of something worth bringing into the conversation… the moment would pass… and you would just stand there feeling the odd man out…?
Have you ever had any one of these things happen to you?
If you're like I was when I first started to work on my "dating life", then you've been in one or more of these situations... probably MANY TIMES.
And what's the WORST part about going through one of these things?
Well, if you ask me, the most PAINFUL part of it is that as you're going through it, you always KNOW that it's YOU that's screwing things up!
And it sucks!!!
… Always DISGUSTED with yourself for blowing it again
…Always watching the girl you desire choose another man
…Always wondering what your friends are privately SNICKERING about you
…Always feeling so DESPERATE and alone
"Why don't you just give up?"
I know why you don't give up…
Because you know that finally figuring this out changes EVERYTHING
I think by now you "get it." And you know it's not looks, money, or power (these things mean nothing if you can't talk) that gets you women…
It is your ability to open up your mouth and talk to them in a way that gets them feeling attraction towards you... And once you master this… you can literally talk to ANY woman…and within seconds… create that "spark" that other guys go their entire life without experiencing…
I know you've imagined it, yourself with James Bond like smoothness… Able to walk right up to woman you see on the street, or behind the counter at your bank, or in a grocery store, or at your job...
…And get the girl smiling, touching you, laughing at all of YOUR jokes (even the unfunny ones) all while you easily transition to an almost PERFECT seduction.
Not to mention the a surge of confidence that radiates through all areas of your life- allowing you to have more fun and CONNCECT with more people… and it means having women approach and chase YOU
It means an entirely new world where you have the courage to go after exactly what you want, and you get the RESPECT and admiration of all the men who don't.
Best of all it means looking forward to going out and talking to women… and ENJOYING your conversations with them… And finally getting RESULTS….
You DON'T GIVE UP because you know exactly what this means… and you know this is WORTH LEARNING.
"A Realization That Changed Everything For Me"
When I was searching for the hidden secrets on how to get better at talking to women… I almost never found what I was looking for. There was a ton of great information on building your inner game, what attracts women, body language, and what to say to start a conversation…
But what I realized is there are certain things you need to know to execute all of this…
* You need to know was how to TRANSITION all of these attraction building techniques into a conversation SMOOTHLY…
* You need to know how to instinctively know WHAT TO SAY NEXT…
* You need to know how to recover from those moments where your mind goes BLANK and you completely STALL OUT…
* You needed to know how to ESCALATE a conversation from something fun and playful to something on a more SEXUAL level…
* You need to know how to draw more ENGAGING conversation out of the girl you are talking to
* You need to know how to think quicker… how to "turn it on" instantly… and how to become more CHARISMATIC…
For a very long time I became almost obsessed with the question "What do I talk about?"
When one of my friends would hook up… although too embarrassed to outright ask… I would shamefully pry "what did you say to her?"
And when I frantically searched through forum posts online reading other guy's success stories I always looked for the little snippets of dialogue that I would analyze and try to recreate.
Yet anytime I found myself alone with a girl… and knew that I had the perfect opportunity to connect with her… instead, my entire body would get tense… my voice would get creaky… and I'd find myself sort of shrugging and asking boring interview questions… and although she was being polite… I could tell she wanted to be anywhere but next to me…
In fact as my insecurity over my lack of conversation skills got larger, I started to find that this "what do I talk about" question was SABATOGING other areas of my life.
Anytime I got around anyone even slightly outside of my comfort zone I would start to feel this shell grow around me and the harder I tried to crack it…the more I would just murder my chances at creating any sort of connection.
Why did it seem that the harder I tried the more boring and UNNATURAL my conversations became?
"My a Ha Moment"
I remember one night hanging out with a friend of mine who has always just killed it with the ladies… Within ten minutes of talking to this girl she was already inviting him back to her place… I stood there stumped…. There was no brilliant conversation… in fact, most of the conversation was pretty mundane… yet, she was giggling and having FUN the entire time…
Then I had a real "a ha moment" when I had a simple realization:
I realized that the guys who seem to do the best with women were NOT the guys who were able to have the most interesting conversations…
And it hit me!
It is not your ability to talk about interesting things with a woman that turns her on… it is your ability to have fun together talking about NOTHING.
"What if everything you thought you knew about conversation skills was wrong?"
It's your ability to have fun together talking about NOTHING… read that AGAIN... and the again!
If this seems counter-intuitive to everything you thought you knew …or everything you have been TAUGHT it is not your fault.
Very few people "crack the code" and understand this concept.
I remember reading the book "The Game" and being so FRUSTRATED because the book would make it seem that you would just use a fun opener to get a woman talking, use a few routines…and WHAMO she would be dragging you into the bathroom for a quickie…
No mention at all of the long stretches of conversation between opener and close…
The Small Talk
"What The 'Gurus' Leave Out"
But as I read more and more books, listened to more and audio courses, and attended more and more live workshops…
I began to really pay attention to the subtle things that WERE NOT BEING DISCUSSED.
And here is what I found…
A lot of the advice being shelled out on conversation skills says something like "talk about something you're passionate about."
Makes sense, right?
If you put ANY guy in a conversation with a woman and let him spend the entire time talking about one or two topics he's passionate about… he'll do pretty good… right? At the very least, he won't stumble into those immobilizing silences….
…That is until the topic runs DRY. And then you're DEAD in the water.
On the other hand, the guys who really kick ass with women… the guys with the "jaw dropping" talent to seduce nearly ANY woman… the guys who have the perfect ten models wrapped around their pinkies…
"Great Conversations Talking About Nothing?"
These guys are able to have great conversations with women talking about essentially nothing.
These guys have girls giggling and wide eyed… during small talk... They naturally keep the conversation FLOWING… all the while, slowly moving the conversation in the exact direction THEY want to take it.
So much emphasis has been placed on what to say to demonstrate value, or what to say to show confidence, or what to say knock the girl off her pedestal… that it is virtually never talked about how to have a flowing, FUN conversation, while seamlessly weaving all of these techniques together…
In fact, the more I began to search through the piles and piles of information available on the internet… the more I began to see just how WRONG this information actually is when it comes to creating charismatic and compelling conversations with women.
"The Most Dangerous Mistakes Men Make When it Comes to Carrying Conversations with Women"
I have spent literally years learning how to overcome my own fear and shyness… and learn how to create those fun, natural conversations with women in ANY situation. I have also spent the last five years teaching other men how to overcome their own fears, roadblocks, and shyness… and teaching them how to have successful conversations with women that create ATTRACTION and transition toward SEXUAL TENSION.
I would like to boil down the most devastating mistakes men make when it comes to their conversations with women… and then I'd like to teach you STEP by STEP how to overcome all of these mistakes…and create MASSIVE success for yourself with women faster than you ever thought possible.
Mistake #1: Spending too much time trying to show her how "cool" you are.
We all hear IT…
…That little voice inside our head that says, "I don't deserve HER?"
We look around and see dozens of other guys in the bar and wonder what we can offer her that they can't.
This puts our BRAIN in overdrive.
We desperately search for things to say that make us seem "cool."
We remember that we're supposed to be cocky, FUNNY, and confident… YET our brain turns to mush trying to figure out exactly how to be all these things at once.
So what happens now?
Well, if you're like I was, then either one of two things happens:
Either you completely FREEZE, barely even able to compose an intelligent sentence, stalling out as your mind goes blank.
Or you get so nervous that you get diarrhea of the mouth, trying way too hard to be funny… and wind up coming off as 'TRY HARD' and insecure.
It is a lot of pressure to put on you to ALWAYS say something witty.
But here is the thing…
You don't have to ALWAYS be "cool"
Most girls make up their mind about your level of "coolness" within two minutes of talking to you.
What does this mean?
It means that if you can manage to show her in the first two minutes of talking to her that you are on the SAME LEVEL as her socially… you can drop the "cool guy" act and just concentrate on carrying an ENJOYABLE conversation.
Think about it for a minute… think about how much easier a conversation would be if you didn't have to wear that "social mask" the entire time?
How much more RELAXED would you be just knowing that the woman ALREADY thinks you're cool?
Instead of constantly worrying about what to say next to make you seem cool… you could concentrate on staying in the moment and having FUN with the small talk.
Fun with small talk?
Yes, that brings me to the next biggest mistake men make with their conversations.
Mistake #2: Fearing Small talk
I have spent a lot of years reading books on conversation SKILLS… and listening to audio programs… and going to seminars…
I've spent a tremendous amount of time "testing out" the ideas that I've learned in these various books and programs.
As a result of all this "trying stuff out", I've come to the realization that you cannot avoid small talk.
As much as some "gurus" try to tell you that you need to avoid "fluff" talk like the plague… let's face it… it is just not possible.
Not only is it not possible… there is absolutely no reason to avoid small talk.
A lot of the reason that "small talk" has gotten such a bad reputation is because for most guys small talks means going back and forth like a tennis match with a succession of asking and answering boring questions with the girl… And once the questions run dry… you're both standing there bored senseless, awkwardly waiting for the other one to say something…
But that's not small talk… that is just mangled conversation skills.
In fact, as I began to really pay attention to the guys that could spend HOURS comfortably in the ZONE with women… I noticed that more than 75% of their conversation was small talk.
But it was FUN small talk.
There is a HUGE difference.
Small talk is sort of like the highway the two of you are driving on together. It is the long winding road that takes you from point A to point B.
Along the way there is going to be some bumps in the road, some traffic, and some thoughts of "are we there yet?"
Since you know that it is inevitable…
Don't bitch and complain about it… Instead, roll the windows down, pump up the radio; put the pedal to the medal… and ENJOY THE RIDE.
You've just learned one of the important pieces of the puzzle for changing: AWARENESS.
Now that you KNOW that you don't need to avoid small talk, you can start to EMBRACE IT…
Now you just need to learn some specific techniques to MAKE SMALL TALK SEXY… and begin to create conversations that flow naturally along this highway.
Mistake #3: Trying to be funny instead of fun
It was only recently I came to realize that making women laugh was COMPLETELY different than I had previously thought.
For the longest time I used to believe that that the same humor that had my friends rolling on the floor in laughter would naturally cause the same reaction in the women I was talking to.
Wouldn’t it make sense? Isn’t comedy supposed to be universal?
But when I really started to pay attention to what women were laughing at I started to notice:
1. The sarcastic wit that made me a hit around most of my guy friends very seldom got positive reactions around women.
2. Some of the guys I knew who had the lamest, most childish humor, often seemed to get the best reaction of women.
3. Women very rarely judged the originality and cleverness of humor the way my guy friends did.
One day I just sat there and watched my friend Jake interact with women. Jake had always been somewhat of a natural with women. I could never understand it as I found his humor silly and childish… and he rarely said anything that would have any of my male friends laughing.
As I watched him, I began to pay more attention to the way women were reacting to him.
The women that were surrounding him had a permanent SMILE on their faces. While they were never rolling on the floor laughing… they were constantly in a state of playfulness and fun.
Now curious, I began to hone in on exactly what he was doing. As I listened I found that he was interacting with them the same way a fourth grade boy would interact with a fourth grade girl on the playground.
There was no ground breaking humor.
Instead there was constant silliness. He was perpetually teasing them. He was making funny faces. Using his voice to tell stories in a way that reminded me of an over energized nine year old telling the story of how he beat up the town bully. There was an endless barrage of only mildly amusing jokes, goofy movie quotes, and shameless physical flirting.
But the girls were eating it up.
It was right then that I came to realize that women don’t want funny.
They want fun.
I had always concentrated so hard on finding those perfect one-liners that would pronounce me the king of comedy and have my audience amazed at my originality and wit…. That I forgot who my audience was…
Women aren’t that funny.
Women don’t really care about original, witty, and sharp humor.
Women want to have fun.
They don’t want to have to think. And if your jokes are making them think too much, you’re probably taking them out of the moment.
If you’re a guy having trouble making women laugh, then your first step is to look around and pay attention to what they are actually laughing at.
1. You’ll see that they much rather watch silly romantic comedies than the witty indie dark comedies that win all the awards.
2. You’ll see that they don’t care much about the originality of your jokes… and in fact they are more likely to laugh at you repeating a knock knock joke you heard in the sixth grade than whatever sarcastic remark that pops into your mind.
3. You’ll see that women don’t appreciate the concept of “cool” the way men do. Women would rather you take the stick out of your ass and act in a fun silly way than stand around like you’re a big shot.
4. Playground humor never gets old. Never.
Women want you be around a guy that allows them to have fun. The next time that you are out with a woman and engaged in a conversation with her, make it a priority to take the conversation back to the playground.
Mistake #4: Not having an arsenal of techniques "at the ready"
You may have noticed as you read over the past four mistakes that the word "fun" keeps coming up.
Why is this?
It's pretty simple really.
If you and a woman are having fun together, she will barely notice that the conversation is slowly transforming from light and playful to FLIRTATIOUS and SEXUAL.
She will actually be rooting for you…
Because very few guys have the ABILITY TO HAVE FUN with her.
And when she is having fun she does not want it to end. Think about it… when you're really connecting with someone, and just having such a great time, do you want it to end?
No of course you don't.
So, step one is to embrace the new mindsets I just handed you…
Step two is to learn the very best conversation tactics and techniques… so you have "proven systems" for keeping the conversation fun and flirty with women in ANY situation.
Until now, there has been nowhere to go for the solution to any of these problems.
Now, there is a place where you can learn to overcome and CONQUER all of those different problems.. Plus get an intensive training on all of the step by step techniques and conversation tactics for every possible situation.
Your “Missing Link” To
Attraction Building Success…
I'm about to tell you something that you already know…
I think you ALREADY KNOW far more than the average guy about how to be successful with women.
In fact, you probably know more about this than most guys who are “naturally” good with women.
You already know the “theory”… and what you need to do to be successful. But things just aren't working for you the way you wish they would…
And… I think you know that the problem stems from your lack of conversation skills and it is preventing you from ever having a real chance at building attraction with a woman.
You know "WHAT" you need to be doing. But you don't know HOW to do it. There is a big difference… I think you figured that out by now.
I also think you realize that this problem of not being able to communicate YOUR BEST SELF is not just limited to meeting women.
I also think you know that if and when you DO tackle and defeat this problem… and get this handled once and for all… you WILL achieve the success with women---and in life---that you were born to have.
And I think you realize by now that this isn't going to happen by itself.
The problem isn't going to “solve” itself… the pieces aren't going to just “fall into place”… and you will NOT have the success with women you are looking for unless you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
The good news is that this problem is not nearly as hard to fix as you imagine.
I speak from experience. There was a long time when I thought I was "different" and was just not capable of overcoming this area of my life…
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Opening to Abundance!
Letting go is important for attracting and allowing abundance into your life!
I recently did a letting go ‘ritual' that involved writing down that which I wanted to let go of and burning the paper (more tips on that further below).
Holding on, be it to negative or positive things, blocks our ability to receive in the present and mars our abundance.
You may be holding on to grievances, hurts, resentments or upsets from your past, or you may be holding on to positive things, such as qualities from past relationships or friendships, which prevent those very qualities showing up in the present.
You may be holding on to negative attitudes, habits, beliefs or thought-feeling patterns.
Perhaps you are holding on to a way life ‘should be’, to expectations, rules or demands towards yourself, others or life, that hinders acceptance and the magic of flow that allows life to change and evolve to a higher level.
The more ‘needy’ you are of something, or of a situation or person to be a certain way, the more you will repel it, for the universe wishes to free you from your dependency and remind you that what you seek does not lie ‘out there’, and that you are the source of your reality. Nothing changes until you do.
Desire, on the other hand, is a healthy generative emotion and is different to need. Your desire calls forth and attracts.
Feel your desires and the qualities you seek (why you want something and the positive emotions and qualities around that, such as the love, success, happiness, freedom, joy, etc.), and then let go of the outcome or the form of that outcome.
If it is a relationship you desire, for example, let go of any specifics about who that person should be, and be open to receiving that which is for your highest good and in alignment with your desires and the qualities you are emanating (which you do in the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation).
Trust the universe will bring you what is most appropriate for you and in alignment with your highest path.
Obviously you also want to have beliefs that support the outcomes you seek, and have positive expectation and imagination towards that realization of your heart’s desires. It is important, however, not to become too fixated or control-oriented about how things should be.
Trust, acceptance and humility are antidotes here.
Sometime the universe has something in mind for us that will serve us greater and more holistically than our limited viewpoint is aware of, something that will assist our healing, growth and soul’s purpose. We may need to let go of our preconceived expectations to allow the unknown and its gifts to land in our reality.
Letting go creates the space for something new and something beyond our imagination and expectation.
See the end of this issue for tips on doing your own letting go ritual!
Desire versus Need
There is a difference between desire, and need or desperation. Need and desperation are synonymous with feelings of lack and the absence of what you want, hence will repel your desired goal and perpetuate your not having it.
Desire, however, fuels your imagination, expectation and all the positive feelings associated with your goal so integral to successfully attracting it. Be passionate about your outcome yet remain light-hearted and unattached to ensure you don’t become needy or dependent on it.
One way to dissipate and release feelings of neediness, urgency or desperation is to trust.
Trust in the positive outcome of your goal. Trust in the love and grace of the universe and the power of your heart and mind. Trust that you are on a co-creative journey, that there is a bigger picture, and that there is love, help and guidance available to you in every moment.
Trust that the universe wants you to have what you desire as much as you do. Trust that you are loved more than you know and that the universe loves you more than you love yourself.
It doesn’t need to be a struggle and you can have what you desire with belief, positive expectation and a willingness to receive.
Trust that if you let go of something, be that a person, thing or outcome, if it is for your best it will come back to you. If you desire it and are in energetic alignment with it and it is for your highest good, you will manifest it.
It is holding on, neediness and attachment that ironically push the very things you want away. You may notice this dynamic in relationships. It’s the same with all things. If you let go of something and it is for your best it will be there.
Relax, trust, loosen your grip, relinquish control and release your dreams and visions into the world.
Believe, open to receive and expect their materialization in your world.
You can use the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation to visualize your goals and program your subconscious mind with optimum dreams for their manifestation in reality.
What’s so powerful about the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation is that it engages the power of emotional resonance where you feel and experience your dreams come true NOW in a very rich and tangible way, that brings them into being at an accelerated pace!
Your emotions are the most potent attractors and communicate directly with your subconscious mind.
They are ‘substance’ that forms reality. High vibration emotions will generate, shift, and transform your world immediately for the better, attracting positive manifestations in accord with your heart.
~~~
Letting Go Ritual Tips!
Below are some example categories for letting go that you can use as headings/columns to write down that which you wish to let go of and then burn the paper (in a safe fire-proof container, of course!).
* Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes
* People
* Aspects and qualities of a past relationship (positive and negative)
* Significant events and feelings from the past (positive and negative)
* Grievances/angers/resentments/hurts
In the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation you get to let go on an energetic level, using intention and willingness along with visualization, allowing and the light/energy.
~~~
I recently did a letting go ‘ritual' that involved writing down that which I wanted to let go of and burning the paper (more tips on that further below).
Holding on, be it to negative or positive things, blocks our ability to receive in the present and mars our abundance.
You may be holding on to grievances, hurts, resentments or upsets from your past, or you may be holding on to positive things, such as qualities from past relationships or friendships, which prevent those very qualities showing up in the present.
You may be holding on to negative attitudes, habits, beliefs or thought-feeling patterns.
Perhaps you are holding on to a way life ‘should be’, to expectations, rules or demands towards yourself, others or life, that hinders acceptance and the magic of flow that allows life to change and evolve to a higher level.
The more ‘needy’ you are of something, or of a situation or person to be a certain way, the more you will repel it, for the universe wishes to free you from your dependency and remind you that what you seek does not lie ‘out there’, and that you are the source of your reality. Nothing changes until you do.
Desire, on the other hand, is a healthy generative emotion and is different to need. Your desire calls forth and attracts.
Feel your desires and the qualities you seek (why you want something and the positive emotions and qualities around that, such as the love, success, happiness, freedom, joy, etc.), and then let go of the outcome or the form of that outcome.
If it is a relationship you desire, for example, let go of any specifics about who that person should be, and be open to receiving that which is for your highest good and in alignment with your desires and the qualities you are emanating (which you do in the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation).
Trust the universe will bring you what is most appropriate for you and in alignment with your highest path.
Obviously you also want to have beliefs that support the outcomes you seek, and have positive expectation and imagination towards that realization of your heart’s desires. It is important, however, not to become too fixated or control-oriented about how things should be.
Trust, acceptance and humility are antidotes here.
Sometime the universe has something in mind for us that will serve us greater and more holistically than our limited viewpoint is aware of, something that will assist our healing, growth and soul’s purpose. We may need to let go of our preconceived expectations to allow the unknown and its gifts to land in our reality.
Letting go creates the space for something new and something beyond our imagination and expectation.
See the end of this issue for tips on doing your own letting go ritual!
Desire versus Need
There is a difference between desire, and need or desperation. Need and desperation are synonymous with feelings of lack and the absence of what you want, hence will repel your desired goal and perpetuate your not having it.
Desire, however, fuels your imagination, expectation and all the positive feelings associated with your goal so integral to successfully attracting it. Be passionate about your outcome yet remain light-hearted and unattached to ensure you don’t become needy or dependent on it.
One way to dissipate and release feelings of neediness, urgency or desperation is to trust.
Trust in the positive outcome of your goal. Trust in the love and grace of the universe and the power of your heart and mind. Trust that you are on a co-creative journey, that there is a bigger picture, and that there is love, help and guidance available to you in every moment.
Trust that the universe wants you to have what you desire as much as you do. Trust that you are loved more than you know and that the universe loves you more than you love yourself.
It doesn’t need to be a struggle and you can have what you desire with belief, positive expectation and a willingness to receive.
Trust that if you let go of something, be that a person, thing or outcome, if it is for your best it will come back to you. If you desire it and are in energetic alignment with it and it is for your highest good, you will manifest it.
It is holding on, neediness and attachment that ironically push the very things you want away. You may notice this dynamic in relationships. It’s the same with all things. If you let go of something and it is for your best it will be there.
Relax, trust, loosen your grip, relinquish control and release your dreams and visions into the world.
Believe, open to receive and expect their materialization in your world.
You can use the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation to visualize your goals and program your subconscious mind with optimum dreams for their manifestation in reality.
What’s so powerful about the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation is that it engages the power of emotional resonance where you feel and experience your dreams come true NOW in a very rich and tangible way, that brings them into being at an accelerated pace!
Your emotions are the most potent attractors and communicate directly with your subconscious mind.
They are ‘substance’ that forms reality. High vibration emotions will generate, shift, and transform your world immediately for the better, attracting positive manifestations in accord with your heart.
~~~
Letting Go Ritual Tips!
Below are some example categories for letting go that you can use as headings/columns to write down that which you wish to let go of and then burn the paper (in a safe fire-proof container, of course!).
* Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes
* People
* Aspects and qualities of a past relationship (positive and negative)
* Significant events and feelings from the past (positive and negative)
* Grievances/angers/resentments/hurts
In the Manifesting Blueprint Meditation you get to let go on an energetic level, using intention and willingness along with visualization, allowing and the light/energy.
~~~
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
How to Figure Out What You Really Want
So many people have no idea what they want or just haven't taken the time to seriously think about it. They aim for nothing and hit it with amazing accuracy.
The first and very important step to achieving all your goals is actually having a clear picture of what they are.
Once you are clear you can start to take action in the direction of your goals and fashion a plan that will get you there.
So let me ask you…
* Are you someone who just can't decide from the millions of choices available to you?
* Have you sat down to write out your goals but just draw a blank?
* Are you someone who sets and achieves goals in one area of your life but falls short in others?
* Are you someone who has no idea where to start?
Well let me share with you some hints to make this process quick, easy and relatively painless…
1. Divide your goals into 5 common key areas in your life:
* Money and material possessions,
* Relationships and Partners,
* Health and Weight Loss,
* Career and Business
* Personal Development and Spirituality.
2. Draw 3 columns on a sheet of paper and title the columns as…
What I Don't Want, What I Do Want, Why I Want It.
When filling in the "What I Don't Want" column ask yourself "What don't I want based on past experiences?"
Sometimes it is easier to identify the qualities you don't want in a situation because they have been your focus. This is especially true if you have just left a job, business or relationship. Write these things in column 1 then write the opposite, positive statement of this in column 2.
For example:
* I don't want to be broke – I have an abundance of money
* I don't want a job I hate – I love my job
* I don't want to be alone — I am in a loving relationship
* I don't want to be fat — I am trim, taut and terrific
When filling in the "What I Do Want" column ask yourself "If I had $10 million and I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do, be and have?"
This column contains the opposite statements from column 1 and your dreams and desires.
For example:
* I have $1 million in the bank.
* I am the number 1 salesman in my industry.
* I cheerfully exercise every day.
* I have a fulltime housekeeper.
* I donate 10% of my income to worthy charities.
When filling in the "Why I Want It" column ask yourself "Once I achieve this goal, who will benefit? How will that make me feel?"
Here is where you focus on your motivation to achieve these things. Focusing on your WHY gives creates a "volcano" of burning, internal motivation especially if your WHY is something outside of yourself, greater than just you alone.
For example:
* My partner falls in love with me all over again.
* I make my parents proud.
* I have the love and respect of my children.
* I attract my perfect partner.
* I have the freedom of choice.
3. Next step is to arrange column 2 and 3 into a list of short, powerful, present tense statements.
When you read and recite this list each day you want to achieve the feeling that these things exist NOW (which they do) and it's just a matter of time before they materialize in your life.
For example:
* I drive a Mercedes 500SL
* I earn $20,000 per month
* I am generous with family & friends
* I am in a joyous, loving relationship
Congratulations! You now have a clear and concise list of exactly what you want to achieve. This puts you ahead of the majority of the population.
Believe me, this is a very exciting and empowering accomplishment.
Now don't worry, actually you can expect this… you may find yourself wanting to make changes to this list especially once you visualize these things existing now.
Nothing here is set in stone and you will find yourself making frequent changes to this list, especially once you start to tick things off!
Being clear about what you want and committing this list to paper is Step 1 in a 4 Step success process… this is all that stands between you and the control over the happiness and positive outcomes in your life.
The first and very important step to achieving all your goals is actually having a clear picture of what they are.
Once you are clear you can start to take action in the direction of your goals and fashion a plan that will get you there.
So let me ask you…
* Are you someone who just can't decide from the millions of choices available to you?
* Have you sat down to write out your goals but just draw a blank?
* Are you someone who sets and achieves goals in one area of your life but falls short in others?
* Are you someone who has no idea where to start?
Well let me share with you some hints to make this process quick, easy and relatively painless…
1. Divide your goals into 5 common key areas in your life:
* Money and material possessions,
* Relationships and Partners,
* Health and Weight Loss,
* Career and Business
* Personal Development and Spirituality.
2. Draw 3 columns on a sheet of paper and title the columns as…
What I Don't Want, What I Do Want, Why I Want It.
When filling in the "What I Don't Want" column ask yourself "What don't I want based on past experiences?"
Sometimes it is easier to identify the qualities you don't want in a situation because they have been your focus. This is especially true if you have just left a job, business or relationship. Write these things in column 1 then write the opposite, positive statement of this in column 2.
For example:
* I don't want to be broke – I have an abundance of money
* I don't want a job I hate – I love my job
* I don't want to be alone — I am in a loving relationship
* I don't want to be fat — I am trim, taut and terrific
When filling in the "What I Do Want" column ask yourself "If I had $10 million and I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do, be and have?"
This column contains the opposite statements from column 1 and your dreams and desires.
For example:
* I have $1 million in the bank.
* I am the number 1 salesman in my industry.
* I cheerfully exercise every day.
* I have a fulltime housekeeper.
* I donate 10% of my income to worthy charities.
When filling in the "Why I Want It" column ask yourself "Once I achieve this goal, who will benefit? How will that make me feel?"
Here is where you focus on your motivation to achieve these things. Focusing on your WHY gives creates a "volcano" of burning, internal motivation especially if your WHY is something outside of yourself, greater than just you alone.
For example:
* My partner falls in love with me all over again.
* I make my parents proud.
* I have the love and respect of my children.
* I attract my perfect partner.
* I have the freedom of choice.
3. Next step is to arrange column 2 and 3 into a list of short, powerful, present tense statements.
When you read and recite this list each day you want to achieve the feeling that these things exist NOW (which they do) and it's just a matter of time before they materialize in your life.
For example:
* I drive a Mercedes 500SL
* I earn $20,000 per month
* I am generous with family & friends
* I am in a joyous, loving relationship
Congratulations! You now have a clear and concise list of exactly what you want to achieve. This puts you ahead of the majority of the population.
Believe me, this is a very exciting and empowering accomplishment.
Now don't worry, actually you can expect this… you may find yourself wanting to make changes to this list especially once you visualize these things existing now.
Nothing here is set in stone and you will find yourself making frequent changes to this list, especially once you start to tick things off!
Being clear about what you want and committing this list to paper is Step 1 in a 4 Step success process… this is all that stands between you and the control over the happiness and positive outcomes in your life.
How to Order from the Universe
The universe you live in works very much like a popular restaurant. You go in, you decide what you want, you order it, you receive it, and you digest it.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don't seem to know how to order. Some are downright inept at it. They walk into this restaurant, behave like complete idiots, and they end up hungry and disappointed. Then they complain about the restaurant and post negative reviews online, despite the fact that the restaurant has received rave reviews from the most experienced food critics.
The Universal Restaurant
I can't tell you how many times I encounter people who set goals like, "I want a romantic partner," or "I want a stable job that pays more money," or "I want to lose weight." I've heard enough of this drivel to last a lifetime. It's reached the point where I may start carrying around a squirt gun and shoot people in the eye when they say stuff like this.
Those are crap goals. Don't waste your time on them. And definitely don't say them within earshot of me.
Setting such goals is the equivalent of walking into a restaurant and proclaiming, "I'm hungry. I want some food."
First, people will look at you like you're an idiot. They're only doing that because you are.
Second, you won't get fed.
If you're lucky, someone might hand you a menu and ask you what you'd like to order. You can order off the menu, or you can concoct something creative, but either way you have to be specific. If you stand there asking for food, you'll remain hungry.
Is this happening in your life right now? Are you standing at the Universal Restaurant, waiting for your desires to manifest, and receiving only static in response? Might the reason be that the wait staff can't figure out what the heck you're actually trying to order?
The Universe is extremely adept at fulfilling your desires — but only if you have the wherewithal to decide and order what you want. If you can't do that — and it matters not what excuses you have — you will remain hungry.
Sometimes the universe will take a stab at bringing your what you ask for. Then you reject it because, although it's what you asked for (such as a generic "romantic partner"), it isn't what you actually want. Then maybe the universe tries a few more times, and you continue to send back whatever it brings you. So eventually it gives up, concluding that you're an unreasonable customer and that it's better off spending its time and energy serving the patrons who know how to place an order properly. It says, "Ok, we're done for now. Call me back to your table when you've figured out what you actually want."
How to Order
When you set goals and intentions, place an order. Don't ask, "Please can I…?" Simply order, much like you would in a restaurant. Say, "I'll have the …" Then expect to receive what you order.
Don't be timid or cowardly or uncertain. Just state your order, and expect to get it. If you screw this up, no soup for you.
Take as much time as you want to decide what to order, but when you place your order, accept what you ordered, and know that you're going to receive it. You may have some buyer's remorse if it's not as good as you hoped, but that's okay. Receive it anyway. There will always be other meals, other orders. Not everything you receive will taste like ambrosia.
Be specific in asking for what you want.
Don't ask for more money. If you want $50K cash, then order $50K cash. Don't ask for it. Order it.
Don't ask for a better job. If you want to be a fashion blogger who travels around the world and gets free invites to major fashion shows and has 500,000 monthly readers, then order that.
Don't ask for a romantic partner. If you want a geeky, vegan, bisexual, happily jobless girlfriend who loves to travel, then order that. Order it loudly enough so your waiter can hear you, and people at nearby tables will say, "I didn't know that was on the menu. I'll have one of those too… with a twist of lemon."
One of the best ways to get what you actually want is to take your best guess, and order it. When you get what you ask for, it may not turn out quite right. That contrast between what you received and how you feel about it will give you a better sense of what you actually do want. Then you can make a better guess and take another stab at placing an order.
As you repeat this process, you'll gradually hone in on what you actually desire most at a very deep level. And then you'll get a chance to receive and experience it fully.
Realize that this is an iterative process. Don't be a perfectionist. That's like sitting in a restaurant for hours, trying to decide what you want, while impatient waiters periodically refill your water glass and pressure you to order something. It's just a meal, so make a decision, get fed, and get out. Even if it turns out to be less than you hoped for, there will be plenty of other meals. The occasional bad meal is inevitable.
How to Be an Idiot Who Can't Order at a Restaurant
What happens if you change your order before you receive it? Same thing that happens in a real restaurant. What would happen if you grabbed the waiter and changed your order before it arrived? No problem, but you'll have to wait even longer because the waiter has to cancel the original order and then submit the new one. And if you keep doing that over and over, you'll piss off the waiter and will never receive a meal. Have you been doing something like that in real life? Blue… no red… no blue! Ahhhh!
What happens if you order something, and then when you get it, you don't like it? You can eat it anyway, or you can send it back. Either way, there will be other meals. You can always order again. Learn from the experience, and do your best to make a more intelligent choice next time. You may need to sample a few items from the menu to figure out what you like and don't like. Your first order at any new restaurant may very well be your worst experience there.
What happens if you complain about the way the system works? It's not fair! I can't figure out what I want! I keep going back and forth between two possibilities! Stop pressuring me! You're free to do that, but the system will process you like an idiot. Again, that's only because you are.
If you rail against the system, it's not going to work for you. If you can't follow the simple rules, the system will process you like an idiot customer till you figure it out.
Here are the rules: Decide what you want, order it, receive it, and digest it. It's not rocket science. Don't make it complicated. It's easier to follow the rules than it is to break them. Even a child can do it.
Your Choice
Despite the obvious drawbacks, you're still free to behave like an idiot customer whenever you choose. You're free to make a vague request. You're free to change your mind every 5 minutes. You're free to reject your order after it arrives. But of course all of those actions have consequences. If you behave stupidly, you'll get stupid results.
Technically speaking, this isn't a problem. The Universal Restaurant is robust enough to handle people like you. It will process you without prejudice. However, you won't have a very good experience, and in the end you'll be disappointed with the food and/or service. Other members of your party will also be disappointed, either with the restaurant or with you personally. No one at your table will seem to be having a good time unless you order properly. If you screw it up, you'll ruin everyone's evening.
This restaurant, however, is perfectly capable of preparing the most amazing gourmet meals you could ever fancy. You just have to order properly. Be specific. Be clear, direct, and confident. Be audible. And don't keep changing your mind after you've placed your order.
When you receive your order, accept it with gratitude. Smell it. Taste it. Savor each delicious bite. Share it with others at your table if they'd like a taste, and taste some of their food too. It won't be perfect, but it's better than going hungry. Learn from the experience, and allow it to inform your future ordering decisions. Eventually you'll become a master connoisseur of the Universal Restaurant.
Work with the rules of the Universal Restaurant to enjoy the best meals of your life. Don't rail against the system. Don't be a clueless customer. And don't post negative reviews about it online.
Note: The Universal Restaurant is not to be confused with The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I know that's what you were thinking. :)
Unfortunately, a lot of people don't seem to know how to order. Some are downright inept at it. They walk into this restaurant, behave like complete idiots, and they end up hungry and disappointed. Then they complain about the restaurant and post negative reviews online, despite the fact that the restaurant has received rave reviews from the most experienced food critics.
The Universal Restaurant
I can't tell you how many times I encounter people who set goals like, "I want a romantic partner," or "I want a stable job that pays more money," or "I want to lose weight." I've heard enough of this drivel to last a lifetime. It's reached the point where I may start carrying around a squirt gun and shoot people in the eye when they say stuff like this.
Those are crap goals. Don't waste your time on them. And definitely don't say them within earshot of me.
Setting such goals is the equivalent of walking into a restaurant and proclaiming, "I'm hungry. I want some food."
First, people will look at you like you're an idiot. They're only doing that because you are.
Second, you won't get fed.
If you're lucky, someone might hand you a menu and ask you what you'd like to order. You can order off the menu, or you can concoct something creative, but either way you have to be specific. If you stand there asking for food, you'll remain hungry.
Is this happening in your life right now? Are you standing at the Universal Restaurant, waiting for your desires to manifest, and receiving only static in response? Might the reason be that the wait staff can't figure out what the heck you're actually trying to order?
The Universe is extremely adept at fulfilling your desires — but only if you have the wherewithal to decide and order what you want. If you can't do that — and it matters not what excuses you have — you will remain hungry.
Sometimes the universe will take a stab at bringing your what you ask for. Then you reject it because, although it's what you asked for (such as a generic "romantic partner"), it isn't what you actually want. Then maybe the universe tries a few more times, and you continue to send back whatever it brings you. So eventually it gives up, concluding that you're an unreasonable customer and that it's better off spending its time and energy serving the patrons who know how to place an order properly. It says, "Ok, we're done for now. Call me back to your table when you've figured out what you actually want."
How to Order
When you set goals and intentions, place an order. Don't ask, "Please can I…?" Simply order, much like you would in a restaurant. Say, "I'll have the …" Then expect to receive what you order.
Don't be timid or cowardly or uncertain. Just state your order, and expect to get it. If you screw this up, no soup for you.
Take as much time as you want to decide what to order, but when you place your order, accept what you ordered, and know that you're going to receive it. You may have some buyer's remorse if it's not as good as you hoped, but that's okay. Receive it anyway. There will always be other meals, other orders. Not everything you receive will taste like ambrosia.
Be specific in asking for what you want.
Don't ask for more money. If you want $50K cash, then order $50K cash. Don't ask for it. Order it.
Don't ask for a better job. If you want to be a fashion blogger who travels around the world and gets free invites to major fashion shows and has 500,000 monthly readers, then order that.
Don't ask for a romantic partner. If you want a geeky, vegan, bisexual, happily jobless girlfriend who loves to travel, then order that. Order it loudly enough so your waiter can hear you, and people at nearby tables will say, "I didn't know that was on the menu. I'll have one of those too… with a twist of lemon."
One of the best ways to get what you actually want is to take your best guess, and order it. When you get what you ask for, it may not turn out quite right. That contrast between what you received and how you feel about it will give you a better sense of what you actually do want. Then you can make a better guess and take another stab at placing an order.
As you repeat this process, you'll gradually hone in on what you actually desire most at a very deep level. And then you'll get a chance to receive and experience it fully.
Realize that this is an iterative process. Don't be a perfectionist. That's like sitting in a restaurant for hours, trying to decide what you want, while impatient waiters periodically refill your water glass and pressure you to order something. It's just a meal, so make a decision, get fed, and get out. Even if it turns out to be less than you hoped for, there will be plenty of other meals. The occasional bad meal is inevitable.
How to Be an Idiot Who Can't Order at a Restaurant
What happens if you change your order before you receive it? Same thing that happens in a real restaurant. What would happen if you grabbed the waiter and changed your order before it arrived? No problem, but you'll have to wait even longer because the waiter has to cancel the original order and then submit the new one. And if you keep doing that over and over, you'll piss off the waiter and will never receive a meal. Have you been doing something like that in real life? Blue… no red… no blue! Ahhhh!
What happens if you order something, and then when you get it, you don't like it? You can eat it anyway, or you can send it back. Either way, there will be other meals. You can always order again. Learn from the experience, and do your best to make a more intelligent choice next time. You may need to sample a few items from the menu to figure out what you like and don't like. Your first order at any new restaurant may very well be your worst experience there.
What happens if you complain about the way the system works? It's not fair! I can't figure out what I want! I keep going back and forth between two possibilities! Stop pressuring me! You're free to do that, but the system will process you like an idiot. Again, that's only because you are.
If you rail against the system, it's not going to work for you. If you can't follow the simple rules, the system will process you like an idiot customer till you figure it out.
Here are the rules: Decide what you want, order it, receive it, and digest it. It's not rocket science. Don't make it complicated. It's easier to follow the rules than it is to break them. Even a child can do it.
Your Choice
Despite the obvious drawbacks, you're still free to behave like an idiot customer whenever you choose. You're free to make a vague request. You're free to change your mind every 5 minutes. You're free to reject your order after it arrives. But of course all of those actions have consequences. If you behave stupidly, you'll get stupid results.
Technically speaking, this isn't a problem. The Universal Restaurant is robust enough to handle people like you. It will process you without prejudice. However, you won't have a very good experience, and in the end you'll be disappointed with the food and/or service. Other members of your party will also be disappointed, either with the restaurant or with you personally. No one at your table will seem to be having a good time unless you order properly. If you screw it up, you'll ruin everyone's evening.
This restaurant, however, is perfectly capable of preparing the most amazing gourmet meals you could ever fancy. You just have to order properly. Be specific. Be clear, direct, and confident. Be audible. And don't keep changing your mind after you've placed your order.
When you receive your order, accept it with gratitude. Smell it. Taste it. Savor each delicious bite. Share it with others at your table if they'd like a taste, and taste some of their food too. It won't be perfect, but it's better than going hungry. Learn from the experience, and allow it to inform your future ordering decisions. Eventually you'll become a master connoisseur of the Universal Restaurant.
Work with the rules of the Universal Restaurant to enjoy the best meals of your life. Don't rail against the system. Don't be a clueless customer. And don't post negative reviews about it online.
Note: The Universal Restaurant is not to be confused with The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I know that's what you were thinking. :)
Monday, March 15, 2010
"sexual character"
I want to discuss how becoming a "sexual character" has to do with the evolution of sex and humanity.
If you've invested in my article, you know that I talk a great deal about being an "attractive character" for women. That women desire a man who is interesting (commonly referred to as "well read"), good natured but secure, independent, emotionally strong, stable, and self-sufficient.
Why? Because that is what a man, biologically, is supposed to be- through thousands, and thousands, and thousands of years of evolution. A man is supposed to be the hunter and provider. Have the strength and ability to fight off intruders and those who do harm and fight in battles, and has the independence and fortitude to build houses, villages, and communities.
When it comes to the bedroom and sex- our makeup isn't much different.
Women desire a man who can provide, who is stable and "manly", who makes her feel secure and protected. A "sexual character" is a man who has the "attractive character" mastered, and has advanced his character to also encompass what is needed to be a long-term provider, father, and protector of offspring.
However, the way a man can go about presenting this to a woman is very different from what most men assume... and most men's assumptions about this leave them lonely, sexless, and confused.
If you've invested in my article, you know that I talk a great deal about being an "attractive character" for women. That women desire a man who is interesting (commonly referred to as "well read"), good natured but secure, independent, emotionally strong, stable, and self-sufficient.
Why? Because that is what a man, biologically, is supposed to be- through thousands, and thousands, and thousands of years of evolution. A man is supposed to be the hunter and provider. Have the strength and ability to fight off intruders and those who do harm and fight in battles, and has the independence and fortitude to build houses, villages, and communities.
When it comes to the bedroom and sex- our makeup isn't much different.
Women desire a man who can provide, who is stable and "manly", who makes her feel secure and protected. A "sexual character" is a man who has the "attractive character" mastered, and has advanced his character to also encompass what is needed to be a long-term provider, father, and protector of offspring.
However, the way a man can go about presenting this to a woman is very different from what most men assume... and most men's assumptions about this leave them lonely, sexless, and confused.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The Rules of Happiness
You know when you're happy, and certainly no one has to tell you when you're sad. But what is it that makes a person happy?
It is important to realize that what makes you happy might depress another person. There are people, because of guilt, a feeling they do not deserve what they have, or a feeling they will lose what they have that makes them unhappy when they should be happy.
Possessions are a poor measure of happiness. Possessions are subjective and relative to the individual and the individual's viewpoint. Instead, we will use a philosophy as an example.
This philosophy is about enjoying things you like, avoiding or changing things you do not like, and accepting what you cannot avoid or change by the skillful use of your viewpoint. The use of this philosophy, as embodied in the five rules, will allow you to test many problem areas in your life and find solutions. With this philosophy, you will be well on your way on your pursuit of happiness.
Rule Number One: If You Like a Thing, Enjoy It.
Now that seems outrageously simple. At first you might say, "That's ridiculous, of course if I like something I'm going to enjoy it." But when you stop to think about it you'll probably agree that there are many things in life that we like but don't enjoy. The reasons we don't enjoy things we like are (a) guilt, and (b) fear. You will not enjoy something you like if you feel guilty after having done the thing, or if you are fearful of the consequences of doing it.
Rule Number Two: If You Don't Like a Thing, Avoid It.
The second rule seems simple enough, but reflect for a moment on how many people are involved with things they do not like — a job, a person, a vehicle, a type of food, any one of a thousand things — and for some reason they don't avoid those things. "Well, I can't avoid it. I have to work there because I need the money." Or, "I have to be involved with this person for many valid reasons." How many justifications can you think of for not avoiding the things you do not like to do?
Rule Number Three: If You Don't Like a Thing, and You Cannot Avoid It, Change It.
Here again, the answer is simple: change it. But just as in avoidance we rationalize that we need something about it — the money, the time, the security — something is holding you to that particular thing if you don't like it, cannot avoid it, won't change it, but are still involved with it.
Rule Number Four: If You Don't Like a Thing, Cannot Avoid It, and Cannot or will Not Change It, Accept It.
Acceptance — now there is a catch. How can you accept something you don't like? How in the world do you accept something that is 'unacceptable'? How do you accept a situation that you're not happy with? How do you accept a person that you're not happy with? Well, you really don't have to accept anything; you can, of course, be unhappy. If you don't like it, won't change it, cannot avoid it, and will not accept it, I guarantee that you will be unhappy. There are, however, five rules to the secret of happiness, and within the fifth lies the key.
Rule Number Five: You Accept a Thing By Changing Your Attitude Towards It.
You are the result of your viewpoints and attitudes. Everything is relative to the person experiencing it. There are no absolutes — nothing is good, nothing bad, except as it relates to you. Nor is life good or bad. Life simply is. You change those things you wish by changing your viewpoint about them.
How easy!
How difficult!
Your attitudes and viewpoints are all part of your mind and once you develop the power of self mind control you will be the master of your own attitudes and viewpoints. Using these five rules you'll soon find yourself on the right path on the pursuit of happiness. You'll realize why people are unhappy. Eventually it will become automatic, and you'll find happiness a predominant state of mind. Once you realize the ease of acquiring this emotion, you develop an entirely new scale of highs and lows.
Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible or desirable state. According to the principle of rhythm, there is always an inflow and outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You'll always have highs and lows — there's no way to avoid that. However, your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher. You'll then find that what is a happy state for you might be a state of depression for someone unaware of the Rules of Happiness.
It is important to realize that what makes you happy might depress another person. There are people, because of guilt, a feeling they do not deserve what they have, or a feeling they will lose what they have that makes them unhappy when they should be happy.
Possessions are a poor measure of happiness. Possessions are subjective and relative to the individual and the individual's viewpoint. Instead, we will use a philosophy as an example.
This philosophy is about enjoying things you like, avoiding or changing things you do not like, and accepting what you cannot avoid or change by the skillful use of your viewpoint. The use of this philosophy, as embodied in the five rules, will allow you to test many problem areas in your life and find solutions. With this philosophy, you will be well on your way on your pursuit of happiness.
Rule Number One: If You Like a Thing, Enjoy It.
Now that seems outrageously simple. At first you might say, "That's ridiculous, of course if I like something I'm going to enjoy it." But when you stop to think about it you'll probably agree that there are many things in life that we like but don't enjoy. The reasons we don't enjoy things we like are (a) guilt, and (b) fear. You will not enjoy something you like if you feel guilty after having done the thing, or if you are fearful of the consequences of doing it.
Rule Number Two: If You Don't Like a Thing, Avoid It.
The second rule seems simple enough, but reflect for a moment on how many people are involved with things they do not like — a job, a person, a vehicle, a type of food, any one of a thousand things — and for some reason they don't avoid those things. "Well, I can't avoid it. I have to work there because I need the money." Or, "I have to be involved with this person for many valid reasons." How many justifications can you think of for not avoiding the things you do not like to do?
Rule Number Three: If You Don't Like a Thing, and You Cannot Avoid It, Change It.
Here again, the answer is simple: change it. But just as in avoidance we rationalize that we need something about it — the money, the time, the security — something is holding you to that particular thing if you don't like it, cannot avoid it, won't change it, but are still involved with it.
Rule Number Four: If You Don't Like a Thing, Cannot Avoid It, and Cannot or will Not Change It, Accept It.
Acceptance — now there is a catch. How can you accept something you don't like? How in the world do you accept something that is 'unacceptable'? How do you accept a situation that you're not happy with? How do you accept a person that you're not happy with? Well, you really don't have to accept anything; you can, of course, be unhappy. If you don't like it, won't change it, cannot avoid it, and will not accept it, I guarantee that you will be unhappy. There are, however, five rules to the secret of happiness, and within the fifth lies the key.
Rule Number Five: You Accept a Thing By Changing Your Attitude Towards It.
You are the result of your viewpoints and attitudes. Everything is relative to the person experiencing it. There are no absolutes — nothing is good, nothing bad, except as it relates to you. Nor is life good or bad. Life simply is. You change those things you wish by changing your viewpoint about them.
How easy!
How difficult!
Your attitudes and viewpoints are all part of your mind and once you develop the power of self mind control you will be the master of your own attitudes and viewpoints. Using these five rules you'll soon find yourself on the right path on the pursuit of happiness. You'll realize why people are unhappy. Eventually it will become automatic, and you'll find happiness a predominant state of mind. Once you realize the ease of acquiring this emotion, you develop an entirely new scale of highs and lows.
Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible or desirable state. According to the principle of rhythm, there is always an inflow and outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You'll always have highs and lows — there's no way to avoid that. However, your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher. You'll then find that what is a happy state for you might be a state of depression for someone unaware of the Rules of Happiness.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Up To The Sky !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Getting close, personal, and sexy with another human being truly
is what makes the world go 'round - and not just for the
euphoria and butterflies that go with them.
If anyone has ever been a part of one, regardless of seriousness,
then they're quite familiar with the facet of them that has been
the inspiration for much of that euphoria and the majority of
the romantic poetry that has been written over the years:
the 'honeymoon' phase.
In that beautiful stretch of time, everything is right with
the world.
The air smells sweeter, birds are chirping a bit more than usual,
and everything we do is enhanced in ways we never thought
possible. We are in that moment, the very best person we can
possibly be. It's truly a gift, and one of the reasons why so
many of us want to find love in the first place.
As with most good things in life, there's a catch, and that
beautiful symphony of emotion must come to an end. For some,
the loss of this gift is too much to bear and they simply walk
away. I know I spent a good part of my adult life hopping from
honeymoon phase to honeymoon phase(s).
For others, that thing they caught a glimpse of is so amazing
that they're remiss to let it go without a fight. For those
in that category, the result is either a struggle that ends
in a messy breakup, or the finding of someone we decide to
spend the rest of our life with - with the vast majority of us
falling into the former category, whether or not marriage is
involved.
So what the hell happened?
Where did the love go?
Some individuals hypothesize that it's at the twilight of
the honeymoon phase that the 'shine' begins to wear off of
the other person and we see them as they really are, flaws
and all. This supposedly triggers our doubts, and the palace
of ivory begins to crumble.
I'm here to say that while that hypothesis does hold some weight,
it's really not at the heart of what happens.
To put it simply, it's not the others person's faults that
come starkly into focus in this darkest of hours, it's OUR OWN.
Unbreakable Confidence & Game
To explain my point, I'd like to begin with a little
relationship/attraction meta-theory that's been gathering steam
in my brain over the past year or so.
I firmly believe that we are attracted to what we're attracted
to because that particular thing happens to be what will most
directly cause us to go/grow where and how we need to at that
particular point in time, and I mean that in the most Taoist
of interpretations.
To use a fairly colorful example to explain this point, let's
say that at a given moment in someones life, he or she is drawn
to the notion of sleeping with a bunch of people.
This may be caused by some deeply rooted insecurities, or by
any other number of reasons, but at that moment, that particular
course of action is the best means for that individual to begin
the journey that will ultimately end in overcoming whatever
obstacles stand in his or way to personal realization and
fulfillment.
Notice that this theory includes all things that many people
could consider unhealthy or negative. While this may be the
case in the short term, I believe that these actions are
nevertheless the best path for a person to take.
Even if it feels like you're swimming upstream, the current is
always carrying you in the right direction.
Attraction to other human being provide us the strongest and
most direct path to this PERSONAL GROWTH, and therein lies the
reason why we are so crazily drawn to other people.
I firmly believe that without women, men would end up wallowing
in some gutter in the most depressing scenario imaginable, and
vice-versa - with the mechanism through which this happens
being one of the most brilliantly designed systems in the world.
You can never know who you're going to be attracted to, and to
what degree you'll be attracted to them, but rest assured,
there's a method to that madness.
Whoever that person happens to be, take comfort in the fact that
you are placed on each other's journeys to take you both where
you need to go.
When it really happens - when you're ready for it to happen -
it hits you like a ton of bricks, and I'm certainly not the
first to describe it in this way.
As we've already mentioned, that honeymoon phase hits, and you
are suddenly faced with a more perfect version of yourself than
you ever thought possible.
Your work goes extremely well, all of the other relationships in
your life flourish, and you're insanely open to anything and
everything - you also may happen to notice that other members
of the opposite sex can't keep their eyes off of you.
As we've also mentioned though, this inevitably comes to an end
and we're now sitting face to face with that same person we
were before all of this started. We are reminded, after a
brief glimpse of heaven, that we're still the same person with
the same "flaws" that we were before love crossed our paths.
Because these two versions of ourself, the ideal and the
reality, are now forced to stare each other down face to face,
this point can be especially troubling.
We being to feel depression-like withdrawals and other aspects
of our life begin to suffer, including work and other
relationships.
Our openness is replaced by jealousy - and those fears and
insecurities that this attraction was put in our place to
overcome begin to show their ugly head.
As strange as it sounds, this is a point to celebrate. Up until
now, these personal demons remained for the most part under
the surface, but through this beautiful process, they are now
brought to some level of light where they can actually be fought.
When faced with this situation, a person will always go in one
of three directions.
1. They simply cannot bear the situation at this time, and
decide to walk away. Maybe they'll tell themselves that their
other half simply wasn't worth it or too flawed for them - and
maybe they are - but they choose to wait until the next time
attraction hits them over the head; a time when they're better
prepared to deal with their roadblocks through more experiences
such as these.
2. They decide to continue the relationship, and use as much
'warm fuzzies' as they can muster to cover up the glaring issues.
They'll turn a blind eye to the unearthed feelings and hold the
other person as tightly as possible with hopes that with
enough "love" the shadows will eventually be banished.
Well those shadows don't simply go away on their own, and the
result of this course of action is the all too familiar pattern
of love/hate that so many of today's relationships find
themselves falling into.
The periodic episodes of hot and cold continue to escalate
until a final blowup/breakup occurs, leaving both parties
devastated in their wake.
The silver lining is that this path will ultimately lead to a GOOD
amount of personal growth after said blowup. The negative of
course is that it's often not without the cost of most of one's
mental and emotional health along the way.
3. This final path is the path is the most difficult to walk,
yet is the one that leads to the GREATEST amount of ultimate
personal growth and fulfillment.
Although it is the path of greatest resistance, some couple
are actually able to use this opportunity to face their own
personal demons, the ones that this attraction was meant to
uncover in the first place, and constructively work through
them together.
This is often not accomplished without greater or lesser
degrees of hardship, and it is rare that anyone can take on
this type of endeavor without making some missteps along the
way.
It is, however the straightest and most powerful path to ultimate
happiness that one can undertake.
At this point I must stress that there is NO one path that
is any better or worse than another. There is only what is
best for a PARTICULAR person at a PARTICULAR time.
If you know in your heart that someone is not the person to
take you to the next level in a particular situation, then
trying to tell yourself otherwise will only SLOW your pace.
So why is it again that we should even bother with all of this
in the first place? Why is this natural inborn order so
wonderful to begin with?
The answer to these questions lies in the honeymoon phase that
began our journey. The truth is that the person that you caught
a fleeting glimpse of in that phase wasn't merely a figment of
your imagination.
Although the vast majority of us are weighed down by not so
positive experiences throughout our lives, primarily in our
younger and most vulnerable years, we all have the potential
inside of us to permanently become our best self, the version
of our self that we were able to catch a glimpse of during
the initial honeymoon phase.
That version of yourself is who you TRULY are, that is the you
who can accomplish anything you desire - unbridled of your
fears - and that is the you who can limitlessly impact the
lives of everyone you encounter and the world in an exceedingly
positive way.
No matter where you are and where you've been, take comfort
in the fact that it has all happened for a VERY good reason.
Side Note: This kind of thing is a common problem most guys tend
to have at one point or another in their lives... which has
quite a bit to do with problems of healthy "personal boundaries"
and other deeper psychological concepts.
is what makes the world go 'round - and not just for the
euphoria and butterflies that go with them.
If anyone has ever been a part of one, regardless of seriousness,
then they're quite familiar with the facet of them that has been
the inspiration for much of that euphoria and the majority of
the romantic poetry that has been written over the years:
the 'honeymoon' phase.
In that beautiful stretch of time, everything is right with
the world.
The air smells sweeter, birds are chirping a bit more than usual,
and everything we do is enhanced in ways we never thought
possible. We are in that moment, the very best person we can
possibly be. It's truly a gift, and one of the reasons why so
many of us want to find love in the first place.
As with most good things in life, there's a catch, and that
beautiful symphony of emotion must come to an end. For some,
the loss of this gift is too much to bear and they simply walk
away. I know I spent a good part of my adult life hopping from
honeymoon phase to honeymoon phase(s).
For others, that thing they caught a glimpse of is so amazing
that they're remiss to let it go without a fight. For those
in that category, the result is either a struggle that ends
in a messy breakup, or the finding of someone we decide to
spend the rest of our life with - with the vast majority of us
falling into the former category, whether or not marriage is
involved.
So what the hell happened?
Where did the love go?
Some individuals hypothesize that it's at the twilight of
the honeymoon phase that the 'shine' begins to wear off of
the other person and we see them as they really are, flaws
and all. This supposedly triggers our doubts, and the palace
of ivory begins to crumble.
I'm here to say that while that hypothesis does hold some weight,
it's really not at the heart of what happens.
To put it simply, it's not the others person's faults that
come starkly into focus in this darkest of hours, it's OUR OWN.
Unbreakable Confidence & Game
To explain my point, I'd like to begin with a little
relationship/attraction meta-theory that's been gathering steam
in my brain over the past year or so.
I firmly believe that we are attracted to what we're attracted
to because that particular thing happens to be what will most
directly cause us to go/grow where and how we need to at that
particular point in time, and I mean that in the most Taoist
of interpretations.
To use a fairly colorful example to explain this point, let's
say that at a given moment in someones life, he or she is drawn
to the notion of sleeping with a bunch of people.
This may be caused by some deeply rooted insecurities, or by
any other number of reasons, but at that moment, that particular
course of action is the best means for that individual to begin
the journey that will ultimately end in overcoming whatever
obstacles stand in his or way to personal realization and
fulfillment.
Notice that this theory includes all things that many people
could consider unhealthy or negative. While this may be the
case in the short term, I believe that these actions are
nevertheless the best path for a person to take.
Even if it feels like you're swimming upstream, the current is
always carrying you in the right direction.
Attraction to other human being provide us the strongest and
most direct path to this PERSONAL GROWTH, and therein lies the
reason why we are so crazily drawn to other people.
I firmly believe that without women, men would end up wallowing
in some gutter in the most depressing scenario imaginable, and
vice-versa - with the mechanism through which this happens
being one of the most brilliantly designed systems in the world.
You can never know who you're going to be attracted to, and to
what degree you'll be attracted to them, but rest assured,
there's a method to that madness.
Whoever that person happens to be, take comfort in the fact that
you are placed on each other's journeys to take you both where
you need to go.
When it really happens - when you're ready for it to happen -
it hits you like a ton of bricks, and I'm certainly not the
first to describe it in this way.
As we've already mentioned, that honeymoon phase hits, and you
are suddenly faced with a more perfect version of yourself than
you ever thought possible.
Your work goes extremely well, all of the other relationships in
your life flourish, and you're insanely open to anything and
everything - you also may happen to notice that other members
of the opposite sex can't keep their eyes off of you.
As we've also mentioned though, this inevitably comes to an end
and we're now sitting face to face with that same person we
were before all of this started. We are reminded, after a
brief glimpse of heaven, that we're still the same person with
the same "flaws" that we were before love crossed our paths.
Because these two versions of ourself, the ideal and the
reality, are now forced to stare each other down face to face,
this point can be especially troubling.
We being to feel depression-like withdrawals and other aspects
of our life begin to suffer, including work and other
relationships.
Our openness is replaced by jealousy - and those fears and
insecurities that this attraction was put in our place to
overcome begin to show their ugly head.
As strange as it sounds, this is a point to celebrate. Up until
now, these personal demons remained for the most part under
the surface, but through this beautiful process, they are now
brought to some level of light where they can actually be fought.
When faced with this situation, a person will always go in one
of three directions.
1. They simply cannot bear the situation at this time, and
decide to walk away. Maybe they'll tell themselves that their
other half simply wasn't worth it or too flawed for them - and
maybe they are - but they choose to wait until the next time
attraction hits them over the head; a time when they're better
prepared to deal with their roadblocks through more experiences
such as these.
2. They decide to continue the relationship, and use as much
'warm fuzzies' as they can muster to cover up the glaring issues.
They'll turn a blind eye to the unearthed feelings and hold the
other person as tightly as possible with hopes that with
enough "love" the shadows will eventually be banished.
Well those shadows don't simply go away on their own, and the
result of this course of action is the all too familiar pattern
of love/hate that so many of today's relationships find
themselves falling into.
The periodic episodes of hot and cold continue to escalate
until a final blowup/breakup occurs, leaving both parties
devastated in their wake.
The silver lining is that this path will ultimately lead to a GOOD
amount of personal growth after said blowup. The negative of
course is that it's often not without the cost of most of one's
mental and emotional health along the way.
3. This final path is the path is the most difficult to walk,
yet is the one that leads to the GREATEST amount of ultimate
personal growth and fulfillment.
Although it is the path of greatest resistance, some couple
are actually able to use this opportunity to face their own
personal demons, the ones that this attraction was meant to
uncover in the first place, and constructively work through
them together.
This is often not accomplished without greater or lesser
degrees of hardship, and it is rare that anyone can take on
this type of endeavor without making some missteps along the
way.
It is, however the straightest and most powerful path to ultimate
happiness that one can undertake.
At this point I must stress that there is NO one path that
is any better or worse than another. There is only what is
best for a PARTICULAR person at a PARTICULAR time.
If you know in your heart that someone is not the person to
take you to the next level in a particular situation, then
trying to tell yourself otherwise will only SLOW your pace.
So why is it again that we should even bother with all of this
in the first place? Why is this natural inborn order so
wonderful to begin with?
The answer to these questions lies in the honeymoon phase that
began our journey. The truth is that the person that you caught
a fleeting glimpse of in that phase wasn't merely a figment of
your imagination.
Although the vast majority of us are weighed down by not so
positive experiences throughout our lives, primarily in our
younger and most vulnerable years, we all have the potential
inside of us to permanently become our best self, the version
of our self that we were able to catch a glimpse of during
the initial honeymoon phase.
That version of yourself is who you TRULY are, that is the you
who can accomplish anything you desire - unbridled of your
fears - and that is the you who can limitlessly impact the
lives of everyone you encounter and the world in an exceedingly
positive way.
No matter where you are and where you've been, take comfort
in the fact that it has all happened for a VERY good reason.
Side Note: This kind of thing is a common problem most guys tend
to have at one point or another in their lives... which has
quite a bit to do with problems of healthy "personal boundaries"
and other deeper psychological concepts.
Monday, March 1, 2010
"Secrets of Personal Authority: How to Get Other People—Especially Sexy Women—to Want to Do What You Want Them to Do"
Dear Friend…
Do you know why most men fail miserably with women… even those who diligently study and understand the process of attraction?
It’s because they fail to master the ONE crucial part of the attraction process, the “attraction linchpin” that holds everything together. Remove this linchpin, and the whole process fails, no matter how strong the other parts are.
No matter how much you know about creating attraction with women, no matter how much you read, study and take action, you will fail if this one critical part of the “attraction formula” is missing.
What is it? Simply this: personal authority.
Here's the truth: this is where most men are weakest when it comes to attracting, and keeping the women they desire. In fact, almost every divorce, breakup, or “dumping” has its root in the failure of the man to manifest personal authority.
If You Don't Have Personal Authority She WILL Leave You for a Man Who Does
I get more questions on this topic than any other subject, and see more confusion and frustration among men when it comes to understanding and implementing personal authority than anything else.
Why? The answer is simple: there is no place to learn the art and science of personal authority. In fact, personal authority in men is actually discouraged by the public school system, the media, and especially other weak-minded men who are fearful of its power.
Look at how men are portrayed on TV: lumpy, bumbling buffoons who are ruled by the women on the show, foolish clowns who literally trip over their own feet, only to be saved by a heroic female presence.
It may make for good TV, but when men apply this in the real world, it is an outright disaster. When you try to play the “nice guy” and give authority to the woman you’d like to attract, what happens? She flakes on you, tells you, “let’s just be friends,” or, even worse, if you’re already in a relationship, she leaves you for a jerk who most definitely would not make it in the pansy world of TV. Maybe you’ve had this happen to you, too.
The weird thing is, if you talk to women, they don’t know WHY they left or flaked. In fact, they’ll even say, “I should be attracted to him, but I’m not. He does everything for me I thought I wanted, but I’m not attracted to him, and I don’t know why.”
Here’s the big secret: women hate this as much as men do. They hate meeting a man, only to discover there’s no attraction, no “chemistry,” even though he’s the “perfect gentleman,” the tame, submissive little boy they were told by society they wanted and needed.
What’s missing? Personal authority, plain and simple. Women want a man who has a sense of authority about him, because this is what creates attraction. It is a biological fact—women literally cannot resist a man with strong personal authority. Unfortunately, most women are incredibly frustrated because they simply cannot seem to meet a man who understands what authority truly is.
Now, don’t mistake authority with abuse of authority, another mistake most men make. Hollering, screaming, arguing, and telling a woman off is NOT authority—in fact it is the opposite. If you have to resort to these methods, then you have no personal authority.
The Truth About Personal Authority
What, then is true authority? Simply this: the art of getting other people to want to do what you want them to do. That’s it—nothing more, nothing less. But it is very, very rare to meet anyone who has mastered this skill—although most of us have met at least one, once in our life.
See, when you’re in the presence of someone who has true personal authority, you want to be there, you want to spend time with them—there’s something magnetic about them. Think back to a time when you had a teacher or professor you really respected, or perhaps a ball coach or military leader. How do you remember them? Fondly, and with respect, even if they were a hard-ass at times.
Why? Because you knew they had your best interests at heart, and were hard on you to get you to perform at your best. They had incredible personal authority, and everyone remembers them. You may not remember the jerks or the abusers of authority (or you might), and you certainly don’t remember the nerdy nice guys people ran all over, but you sure as heck remember those with a profound personal authority.
Here’s something you may not have observed at the time, something that might not have even registered: how women responded to these men. In case you can’t remember, I’ll tell you: they were intensely attracted to them. If they were a teacher or professor, all the girls giggled over them, while making fun of the nerds and nice guys.
Why? Because authority in and of itself creates attraction—it draws people to you. When you exude true authority, people (especially sexy women) want to be in your presence. They tell others about you. They bring their friends to see you. They can’t get enough of you.
If there was only one thing I could teach all men about attraction, it would be how to develop your own unique personal authority. If you have that—and only that—you can create incredible amounts of attraction wherever you go. But if you don’t have it, your chances of creating sustained attraction are between slim and none, even if you’ve learned every other attraction secret under the sun.
I will boldly say I am uniquely qualified to train both men and women to develop their own personal authority. I have been in situations ranging from structured military service (in the US Navy attack submarine force) to chaotic entrepreneurial and business environments, and I was able to successfully utilize my personal authority in every instance.
I took note of how people responded to me in those situations, then transferred what I’d learned to what I considered to be the ultimate test: using my personal authority to create attraction with the women I desired.
The Ultimate Authority Test
Why did I consider this the ultimate test? Because it flies in the face of what everyone teaches about attraction and dating. In modern society, the woman is supposed to be the one with the authority, and the man is supposed to be sensitive, nice, and adoring.
Well, I’d tried all that garbage, and it just didn’t work. What was interesting though, was, it just didn’t feel right—it was what was supposed to work, but something inside me said there was something very, very wrong. But, I persisted in doing what was “supposed to work” and went on first date, after first date, never getting a second, always being the perfect gentleman. Maybe the same thing has happened to you.
Now, I’m a results oriented type of guy, and I finally got fed up with kisses on the cheek and unreturned phone calls, so I started testing new things. I quit trying to do what society said you were supposed to do, and started doing what I knew worked in the military, and in business. I started using my personal authority.
The effects were dramatic and immediate. All of a sudden, women started approaching me, started calling me, started bothering me. Whereas in the past I couldn’t get a call back after a first date to save my soul, now, they couldn’t wait to see me again, and didn’t want our time together to end. Instead of them not calling, they started calling multiple times—all because I started using my personal authority I’d developed in other, widely disparate venues.
What was really interesting was what they would say to me. Things like, “it’s about time I met a real man” and “it’s to refreshing not be with a momma’s boy,” and my favorite, “I wish there were more men like you.”
And before where there was kisses on the cheek and friendly hugs, now there were steamy nights of passion, and late night phone calls begging me to come over. My favorite of all time was having a friend of mine ditch the guy she was on a date with (at a fancy restaurant) so she could come over and watch a crappy movie with me. She told him she had to “study.” Yeah, we studied all right!
Why would women do this, why were they suddenly aggressive towards me when all I did was show a little personal authority? The answer may surprise you: their biology forces them to. They can’t NOT behave like that—the male behavior of personal authority produces a powerful “attraction reaction” in women, a reaction they have no control over.
The fascinating thing is, looks don’t matter, age doesn’t matter, income doesn’t matter, height doesn’t matter, social status doesn’t matter, as well as any other reason men invent for women not liking them. The only thing that matters is personal authority. Develop that and you can have any woman you want, forever if you want her. Ignore it, and you’ll forever be the guy waiting for the phone to ring while watching crummy TV.
Do you know why most men fail miserably with women… even those who diligently study and understand the process of attraction?
It’s because they fail to master the ONE crucial part of the attraction process, the “attraction linchpin” that holds everything together. Remove this linchpin, and the whole process fails, no matter how strong the other parts are.
No matter how much you know about creating attraction with women, no matter how much you read, study and take action, you will fail if this one critical part of the “attraction formula” is missing.
What is it? Simply this: personal authority.
Here's the truth: this is where most men are weakest when it comes to attracting, and keeping the women they desire. In fact, almost every divorce, breakup, or “dumping” has its root in the failure of the man to manifest personal authority.
If You Don't Have Personal Authority She WILL Leave You for a Man Who Does
I get more questions on this topic than any other subject, and see more confusion and frustration among men when it comes to understanding and implementing personal authority than anything else.
Why? The answer is simple: there is no place to learn the art and science of personal authority. In fact, personal authority in men is actually discouraged by the public school system, the media, and especially other weak-minded men who are fearful of its power.
Look at how men are portrayed on TV: lumpy, bumbling buffoons who are ruled by the women on the show, foolish clowns who literally trip over their own feet, only to be saved by a heroic female presence.
It may make for good TV, but when men apply this in the real world, it is an outright disaster. When you try to play the “nice guy” and give authority to the woman you’d like to attract, what happens? She flakes on you, tells you, “let’s just be friends,” or, even worse, if you’re already in a relationship, she leaves you for a jerk who most definitely would not make it in the pansy world of TV. Maybe you’ve had this happen to you, too.
The weird thing is, if you talk to women, they don’t know WHY they left or flaked. In fact, they’ll even say, “I should be attracted to him, but I’m not. He does everything for me I thought I wanted, but I’m not attracted to him, and I don’t know why.”
Here’s the big secret: women hate this as much as men do. They hate meeting a man, only to discover there’s no attraction, no “chemistry,” even though he’s the “perfect gentleman,” the tame, submissive little boy they were told by society they wanted and needed.
What’s missing? Personal authority, plain and simple. Women want a man who has a sense of authority about him, because this is what creates attraction. It is a biological fact—women literally cannot resist a man with strong personal authority. Unfortunately, most women are incredibly frustrated because they simply cannot seem to meet a man who understands what authority truly is.
Now, don’t mistake authority with abuse of authority, another mistake most men make. Hollering, screaming, arguing, and telling a woman off is NOT authority—in fact it is the opposite. If you have to resort to these methods, then you have no personal authority.
The Truth About Personal Authority
What, then is true authority? Simply this: the art of getting other people to want to do what you want them to do. That’s it—nothing more, nothing less. But it is very, very rare to meet anyone who has mastered this skill—although most of us have met at least one, once in our life.
See, when you’re in the presence of someone who has true personal authority, you want to be there, you want to spend time with them—there’s something magnetic about them. Think back to a time when you had a teacher or professor you really respected, or perhaps a ball coach or military leader. How do you remember them? Fondly, and with respect, even if they were a hard-ass at times.
Why? Because you knew they had your best interests at heart, and were hard on you to get you to perform at your best. They had incredible personal authority, and everyone remembers them. You may not remember the jerks or the abusers of authority (or you might), and you certainly don’t remember the nerdy nice guys people ran all over, but you sure as heck remember those with a profound personal authority.
Here’s something you may not have observed at the time, something that might not have even registered: how women responded to these men. In case you can’t remember, I’ll tell you: they were intensely attracted to them. If they were a teacher or professor, all the girls giggled over them, while making fun of the nerds and nice guys.
Why? Because authority in and of itself creates attraction—it draws people to you. When you exude true authority, people (especially sexy women) want to be in your presence. They tell others about you. They bring their friends to see you. They can’t get enough of you.
If there was only one thing I could teach all men about attraction, it would be how to develop your own unique personal authority. If you have that—and only that—you can create incredible amounts of attraction wherever you go. But if you don’t have it, your chances of creating sustained attraction are between slim and none, even if you’ve learned every other attraction secret under the sun.
I will boldly say I am uniquely qualified to train both men and women to develop their own personal authority. I have been in situations ranging from structured military service (in the US Navy attack submarine force) to chaotic entrepreneurial and business environments, and I was able to successfully utilize my personal authority in every instance.
I took note of how people responded to me in those situations, then transferred what I’d learned to what I considered to be the ultimate test: using my personal authority to create attraction with the women I desired.
The Ultimate Authority Test
Why did I consider this the ultimate test? Because it flies in the face of what everyone teaches about attraction and dating. In modern society, the woman is supposed to be the one with the authority, and the man is supposed to be sensitive, nice, and adoring.
Well, I’d tried all that garbage, and it just didn’t work. What was interesting though, was, it just didn’t feel right—it was what was supposed to work, but something inside me said there was something very, very wrong. But, I persisted in doing what was “supposed to work” and went on first date, after first date, never getting a second, always being the perfect gentleman. Maybe the same thing has happened to you.
Now, I’m a results oriented type of guy, and I finally got fed up with kisses on the cheek and unreturned phone calls, so I started testing new things. I quit trying to do what society said you were supposed to do, and started doing what I knew worked in the military, and in business. I started using my personal authority.
The effects were dramatic and immediate. All of a sudden, women started approaching me, started calling me, started bothering me. Whereas in the past I couldn’t get a call back after a first date to save my soul, now, they couldn’t wait to see me again, and didn’t want our time together to end. Instead of them not calling, they started calling multiple times—all because I started using my personal authority I’d developed in other, widely disparate venues.
What was really interesting was what they would say to me. Things like, “it’s about time I met a real man” and “it’s to refreshing not be with a momma’s boy,” and my favorite, “I wish there were more men like you.”
And before where there was kisses on the cheek and friendly hugs, now there were steamy nights of passion, and late night phone calls begging me to come over. My favorite of all time was having a friend of mine ditch the guy she was on a date with (at a fancy restaurant) so she could come over and watch a crappy movie with me. She told him she had to “study.” Yeah, we studied all right!
Why would women do this, why were they suddenly aggressive towards me when all I did was show a little personal authority? The answer may surprise you: their biology forces them to. They can’t NOT behave like that—the male behavior of personal authority produces a powerful “attraction reaction” in women, a reaction they have no control over.
The fascinating thing is, looks don’t matter, age doesn’t matter, income doesn’t matter, height doesn’t matter, social status doesn’t matter, as well as any other reason men invent for women not liking them. The only thing that matters is personal authority. Develop that and you can have any woman you want, forever if you want her. Ignore it, and you’ll forever be the guy waiting for the phone to ring while watching crummy TV.
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