Sunday, March 21, 2010

How To Smoothly Escalate Your Conversations

Dear Friend,

Have you ever blown it with a woman because your lack of conversation skills killed any chance of attraction?

Let's talk honestly…

…have you ever experienced that moment while talking to a woman where your mind just seems to shut down… And the harder you try to think of something "cool" or "witty" to say the more you retreat into your own head… and you can see in the woman's eyes that she is starting to realize that you're not as cool as she thought you were a few minutes earlier...?

…have you ever "ejected" from a conversation while it was still going good because you didn't know how to escalate the conversation past a "friendly" level… so rather than risk rejection or embarrassment … you walked away from a woman and got nothing…?

…have you ever felt "overshadowed" by other guys who just seemed to naturally be more charismatic talkers than you… like they just seemed to effortlessly get girls in a fun and flirty mood… while your conversations seem boring or 'try hard' in comparison…?

…have you ever gotten a girl's phone number… but not called her… because you were terrified of that moment when she answers the phone… the struggle to think of 'what to say next'… the dreaded "awkward silences" … so instead you would literally hold the phone in your hand for hours before finding a good rationalization not to call…?

…have you ever had a friend introduce you into a conversation with girls… and after the initial hellos and handshakes… you just seemed to have nothing interesting to contribute. Even though everyone else was jumping in with topics that were fun and amusing… by the time you thought of something worth bringing into the conversation… the moment would pass… and you would just stand there feeling the odd man out…?

Have you ever had any one of these things happen to you?

If you're like I was when I first started to work on my "dating life", then you've been in one or more of these situations... probably MANY TIMES.

And what's the WORST part about going through one of these things?

Well, if you ask me, the most PAINFUL part of it is that as you're going through it, you always KNOW that it's YOU that's screwing things up!

And it sucks!!!

… Always DISGUSTED with yourself for blowing it again

…Always watching the girl you desire choose another man

…Always wondering what your friends are privately SNICKERING about you

…Always feeling so DESPERATE and alone

"Why don't you just give up?"

I know why you don't give up…

Because you know that finally figuring this out changes EVERYTHING

I think by now you "get it." And you know it's not looks, money, or power (these things mean nothing if you can't talk) that gets you women…

It is your ability to open up your mouth and talk to them in a way that gets them feeling attraction towards you... And once you master this… you can literally talk to ANY woman…and within seconds… create that "spark" that other guys go their entire life without experiencing…

I know you've imagined it, yourself with James Bond like smoothness… Able to walk right up to woman you see on the street, or behind the counter at your bank, or in a grocery store, or at your job...

…And get the girl smiling, touching you, laughing at all of YOUR jokes (even the unfunny ones) all while you easily transition to an almost PERFECT seduction.

Not to mention the a surge of confidence that radiates through all areas of your life- allowing you to have more fun and CONNCECT with more people… and it means having women approach and chase YOU

It means an entirely new world where you have the courage to go after exactly what you want, and you get the RESPECT and admiration of all the men who don't.

Best of all it means looking forward to going out and talking to women… and ENJOYING your conversations with them… And finally getting RESULTS….

You DON'T GIVE UP because you know exactly what this means… and you know this is WORTH LEARNING.

"A Realization That Changed Everything For Me"

When I was searching for the hidden secrets on how to get better at talking to women… I almost never found what I was looking for. There was a ton of great information on building your inner game, what attracts women, body language, and what to say to start a conversation…

But what I realized is there are certain things you need to know to execute all of this…

* You need to know was how to TRANSITION all of these attraction building techniques into a conversation SMOOTHLY…

* You need to know how to instinctively know WHAT TO SAY NEXT…

* You need to know how to recover from those moments where your mind goes BLANK and you completely STALL OUT…

* You needed to know how to ESCALATE a conversation from something fun and playful to something on a more SEXUAL level…

* You need to know how to draw more ENGAGING conversation out of the girl you are talking to

* You need to know how to think quicker… how to "turn it on" instantly… and how to become more CHARISMATIC…

For a very long time I became almost obsessed with the question "What do I talk about?"

When one of my friends would hook up… although too embarrassed to outright ask… I would shamefully pry "what did you say to her?"

And when I frantically searched through forum posts online reading other guy's success stories I always looked for the little snippets of dialogue that I would analyze and try to recreate.

Yet anytime I found myself alone with a girl… and knew that I had the perfect opportunity to connect with her… instead, my entire body would get tense… my voice would get creaky… and I'd find myself sort of shrugging and asking boring interview questions… and although she was being polite… I could tell she wanted to be anywhere but next to me…

In fact as my insecurity over my lack of conversation skills got larger, I started to find that this "what do I talk about" question was SABATOGING other areas of my life.

Anytime I got around anyone even slightly outside of my comfort zone I would start to feel this shell grow around me and the harder I tried to crack it…the more I would just murder my chances at creating any sort of connection.

Why did it seem that the harder I tried the more boring and UNNATURAL my conversations became?

"My a Ha Moment"

I remember one night hanging out with a friend of mine who has always just killed it with the ladies… Within ten minutes of talking to this girl she was already inviting him back to her place… I stood there stumped…. There was no brilliant conversation… in fact, most of the conversation was pretty mundane… yet, she was giggling and having FUN the entire time…

Then I had a real "a ha moment" when I had a simple realization:

I realized that the guys who seem to do the best with women were NOT the guys who were able to have the most interesting conversations…

And it hit me!

It is not your ability to talk about interesting things with a woman that turns her on… it is your ability to have fun together talking about NOTHING.

"What if everything you thought you knew about conversation skills was wrong?"

It's your ability to have fun together talking about NOTHING… read that AGAIN... and the again!

If this seems counter-intuitive to everything you thought you knew …or everything you have been TAUGHT it is not your fault.

Very few people "crack the code" and understand this concept.

I remember reading the book "The Game" and being so FRUSTRATED because the book would make it seem that you would just use a fun opener to get a woman talking, use a few routines…and WHAMO she would be dragging you into the bathroom for a quickie…

No mention at all of the long stretches of conversation between opener and close…

The Small Talk

"What The 'Gurus' Leave Out"

But as I read more and more books, listened to more and audio courses, and attended more and more live workshops…

I began to really pay attention to the subtle things that WERE NOT BEING DISCUSSED.

And here is what I found…

A lot of the advice being shelled out on conversation skills says something like "talk about something you're passionate about."

Makes sense, right?

If you put ANY guy in a conversation with a woman and let him spend the entire time talking about one or two topics he's passionate about… he'll do pretty good… right? At the very least, he won't stumble into those immobilizing silences….

…That is until the topic runs DRY. And then you're DEAD in the water.

On the other hand, the guys who really kick ass with women… the guys with the "jaw dropping" talent to seduce nearly ANY woman… the guys who have the perfect ten models wrapped around their pinkies…

"Great Conversations Talking About Nothing?"

These guys are able to have great conversations with women talking about essentially nothing.

These guys have girls giggling and wide eyed… during small talk... They naturally keep the conversation FLOWING… all the while, slowly moving the conversation in the exact direction THEY want to take it.

So much emphasis has been placed on what to say to demonstrate value, or what to say to show confidence, or what to say knock the girl off her pedestal… that it is virtually never talked about how to have a flowing, FUN conversation, while seamlessly weaving all of these techniques together…

In fact, the more I began to search through the piles and piles of information available on the internet… the more I began to see just how WRONG this information actually is when it comes to creating charismatic and compelling conversations with women.

"The Most Dangerous Mistakes Men Make When it Comes to Carrying Conversations with Women"

I have spent literally years learning how to overcome my own fear and shyness… and learn how to create those fun, natural conversations with women in ANY situation. I have also spent the last five years teaching other men how to overcome their own fears, roadblocks, and shyness… and teaching them how to have successful conversations with women that create ATTRACTION and transition toward SEXUAL TENSION.

I would like to boil down the most devastating mistakes men make when it comes to their conversations with women… and then I'd like to teach you STEP by STEP how to overcome all of these mistakes…and create MASSIVE success for yourself with women faster than you ever thought possible.

Mistake #1: Spending too much time trying to show her how "cool" you are.

We all hear IT…

…That little voice inside our head that says, "I don't deserve HER?"

We look around and see dozens of other guys in the bar and wonder what we can offer her that they can't.

This puts our BRAIN in overdrive.

We desperately search for things to say that make us seem "cool."

We remember that we're supposed to be cocky, FUNNY, and confident… YET our brain turns to mush trying to figure out exactly how to be all these things at once.

So what happens now?

Well, if you're like I was, then either one of two things happens:

Either you completely FREEZE, barely even able to compose an intelligent sentence, stalling out as your mind goes blank.

Or you get so nervous that you get diarrhea of the mouth, trying way too hard to be funny… and wind up coming off as 'TRY HARD' and insecure.

It is a lot of pressure to put on you to ALWAYS say something witty.

But here is the thing…

You don't have to ALWAYS be "cool"

Most girls make up their mind about your level of "coolness" within two minutes of talking to you.

What does this mean?

It means that if you can manage to show her in the first two minutes of talking to her that you are on the SAME LEVEL as her socially… you can drop the "cool guy" act and just concentrate on carrying an ENJOYABLE conversation.

Think about it for a minute… think about how much easier a conversation would be if you didn't have to wear that "social mask" the entire time?

How much more RELAXED would you be just knowing that the woman ALREADY thinks you're cool?

Instead of constantly worrying about what to say next to make you seem cool… you could concentrate on staying in the moment and having FUN with the small talk.

Fun with small talk?

Yes, that brings me to the next biggest mistake men make with their conversations.

Mistake #2: Fearing Small talk

I have spent a lot of years reading books on conversation SKILLS… and listening to audio programs… and going to seminars…

I've spent a tremendous amount of time "testing out" the ideas that I've learned in these various books and programs.

As a result of all this "trying stuff out", I've come to the realization that you cannot avoid small talk.

As much as some "gurus" try to tell you that you need to avoid "fluff" talk like the plague… let's face it… it is just not possible.

Not only is it not possible… there is absolutely no reason to avoid small talk.

A lot of the reason that "small talk" has gotten such a bad reputation is because for most guys small talks means going back and forth like a tennis match with a succession of asking and answering boring questions with the girl… And once the questions run dry… you're both standing there bored senseless, awkwardly waiting for the other one to say something…

But that's not small talk… that is just mangled conversation skills.

In fact, as I began to really pay attention to the guys that could spend HOURS comfortably in the ZONE with women… I noticed that more than 75% of their conversation was small talk.

But it was FUN small talk.

There is a HUGE difference.

Small talk is sort of like the highway the two of you are driving on together. It is the long winding road that takes you from point A to point B.

Along the way there is going to be some bumps in the road, some traffic, and some thoughts of "are we there yet?"

Since you know that it is inevitable…

Don't bitch and complain about it… Instead, roll the windows down, pump up the radio; put the pedal to the medal… and ENJOY THE RIDE.

You've just learned one of the important pieces of the puzzle for changing: AWARENESS.

Now that you KNOW that you don't need to avoid small talk, you can start to EMBRACE IT…

Now you just need to learn some specific techniques to MAKE SMALL TALK SEXY… and begin to create conversations that flow naturally along this highway.

Mistake #3: Trying to be funny instead of fun

It was only recently I came to realize that making women laugh was COMPLETELY different than I had previously thought.

For the longest time I used to believe that that the same humor that had my friends rolling on the floor in laughter would naturally cause the same reaction in the women I was talking to.

Wouldn’t it make sense? Isn’t comedy supposed to be universal?

But when I really started to pay attention to what women were laughing at I started to notice:

1. The sarcastic wit that made me a hit around most of my guy friends very seldom got positive reactions around women.

2. Some of the guys I knew who had the lamest, most childish humor, often seemed to get the best reaction of women.

3. Women very rarely judged the originality and cleverness of humor the way my guy friends did.

One day I just sat there and watched my friend Jake interact with women. Jake had always been somewhat of a natural with women. I could never understand it as I found his humor silly and childish… and he rarely said anything that would have any of my male friends laughing.

As I watched him, I began to pay more attention to the way women were reacting to him.

The women that were surrounding him had a permanent SMILE on their faces. While they were never rolling on the floor laughing… they were constantly in a state of playfulness and fun.

Now curious, I began to hone in on exactly what he was doing. As I listened I found that he was interacting with them the same way a fourth grade boy would interact with a fourth grade girl on the playground.

There was no ground breaking humor.

Instead there was constant silliness. He was perpetually teasing them. He was making funny faces. Using his voice to tell stories in a way that reminded me of an over energized nine year old telling the story of how he beat up the town bully. There was an endless barrage of only mildly amusing jokes, goofy movie quotes, and shameless physical flirting.

But the girls were eating it up.

It was right then that I came to realize that women don’t want funny.

They want fun.

I had always concentrated so hard on finding those perfect one-liners that would pronounce me the king of comedy and have my audience amazed at my originality and wit…. That I forgot who my audience was…

Women aren’t that funny.

Women don’t really care about original, witty, and sharp humor.

Women want to have fun.

They don’t want to have to think. And if your jokes are making them think too much, you’re probably taking them out of the moment.

If you’re a guy having trouble making women laugh, then your first step is to look around and pay attention to what they are actually laughing at.

1. You’ll see that they much rather watch silly romantic comedies than the witty indie dark comedies that win all the awards.

2. You’ll see that they don’t care much about the originality of your jokes… and in fact they are more likely to laugh at you repeating a knock knock joke you heard in the sixth grade than whatever sarcastic remark that pops into your mind.

3. You’ll see that women don’t appreciate the concept of “cool” the way men do. Women would rather you take the stick out of your ass and act in a fun silly way than stand around like you’re a big shot.

4. Playground humor never gets old. Never.

Women want you be around a guy that allows them to have fun. The next time that you are out with a woman and engaged in a conversation with her, make it a priority to take the conversation back to the playground.

Mistake #4: Not having an arsenal of techniques "at the ready"

You may have noticed as you read over the past four mistakes that the word "fun" keeps coming up.

Why is this?

It's pretty simple really.

If you and a woman are having fun together, she will barely notice that the conversation is slowly transforming from light and playful to FLIRTATIOUS and SEXUAL.

She will actually be rooting for you…

Because very few guys have the ABILITY TO HAVE FUN with her.

And when she is having fun she does not want it to end. Think about it… when you're really connecting with someone, and just having such a great time, do you want it to end?

No of course you don't.

So, step one is to embrace the new mindsets I just handed you…

Step two is to learn the very best conversation tactics and techniques… so you have "proven systems" for keeping the conversation fun and flirty with women in ANY situation.

Until now, there has been nowhere to go for the solution to any of these problems.

Now, there is a place where you can learn to overcome and CONQUER all of those different problems.. Plus get an intensive training on all of the step by step techniques and conversation tactics for every possible situation.

Your “Missing Link” To
Attraction Building Success…

I'm about to tell you something that you already know…

I think you ALREADY KNOW far more than the average guy about how to be successful with women.

In fact, you probably know more about this than most guys who are “naturally” good with women.

You already know the “theory”… and what you need to do to be successful. But things just aren't working for you the way you wish they would…

And… I think you know that the problem stems from your lack of conversation skills and it is preventing you from ever having a real chance at building attraction with a woman.

You know "WHAT" you need to be doing. But you don't know HOW to do it. There is a big difference… I think you figured that out by now.

I also think you realize that this problem of not being able to communicate YOUR BEST SELF is not just limited to meeting women.

I also think you know that if and when you DO tackle and defeat this problem… and get this handled once and for all… you WILL achieve the success with women---and in life---that you were born to have.

And I think you realize by now that this isn't going to happen by itself.

The problem isn't going to “solve” itself… the pieces aren't going to just “fall into place”… and you will NOT have the success with women you are looking for unless you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

The good news is that this problem is not nearly as hard to fix as you imagine.

I speak from experience. There was a long time when I thought I was "different" and was just not capable of overcoming this area of my life…

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